You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
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He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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