your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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