update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
