dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Two words: blizzard sex
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
