Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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