Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
