pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
