I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
