i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
