God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
