his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
