Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Everclear isn't food dammit
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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