I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
