You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
