I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
