You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I use my feet as sexual weapons
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
