Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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