Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
