I am full of burrito and curiosity
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
