You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
