hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
