My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
