u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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