my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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