You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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