lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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