I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
