No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
