Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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