i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
