Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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