Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
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I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
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you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.