Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.