and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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