You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
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Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
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Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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