She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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