Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.