OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?