Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dating After Heartbreak
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face