We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
