i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
