That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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