he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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