Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
