if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
In America we eat man semen.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
