There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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