I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
