I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
