Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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