he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
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You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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