and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
