I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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