The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
