She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize
