is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So squirting runs in the family.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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