a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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