i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
