judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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