I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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