Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
