Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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