nut hugger
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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