i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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