Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
