i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So squirting runs in the family.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
