6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize