absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
