made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
