Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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