This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
