I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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