Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
