I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
