i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
