she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
