Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
