Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
