Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
what day is it and did you see me today?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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