Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
